Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Things I've been accused of: Today...

People keep telling me that I'm offensive. They tell me I'm rude and that I get angry too easily. What follows is a list of my behaviors that some deem to be inappropriate, accompanied by my my personal justifications for my actions.

1) So called "road rage". There really is a laundry list of things I'm criticised for in this department. Constantly honking at people. Screaming at people. Obscene gestures. Intimidating the elderly. Swerving my car at other drivers. Extreme aggression. Frequent violations of state and municipal traffic laws.

Many of these stem from my frustration with perceived stupidity of other drivers. I fully understand that the average housewife or high school boy might not possess the driving skills or sense of urgency that I do. Some people are just more timid than I am. Some are too young to know the unwritten rules, and some are too old to keep up anymore. That's fine.

Yet some things are just too much for me to tolerate. Driving 10mph below the speed limit is 20mph too slow. Failing to notice the left-hand turn arrow for three seconds earns a scolding. I need to see a blinker before I see break lights. Don't even dare pull in front of me if you aren't traveling as quickly. At bare minimum, other peoples driving mistakes are an inconvenience to me, in the worst case scenarios, they endanger my life. That makes your driving habits my business. I have two rules: Pay attention, and Move your Ass! Failure to obey either will result in aggression on my part.

Traffic laws? Those are for idiots and cowards. Speed limits are a good suggestion for bad drivers. Traffic lights are an insult to my intelligence. I'm a grown man. I can determine for myself when an intersection is safe to pass through. No right on red? What am I? A child?

2) I'm not tolerant of children in public. I don't want to hear crying in a restaurant. I don't like children sprinting around in the grocery store. I wasn't allowed to do any of that shit when I was a child, so no one else should be either.

The world is full of idiots and shitty parents. It isn't my job or social responsibility to tolerate other peoples unruly children. These kids aren't nearly as special as their parents would like to convince us they are. Half the time they are moronic, loud, and ugly. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree most of the time...

3) I park in the space reserved for "New and expectant mothers".

There are four reasons for this. First, pregnancy isn't a handicap. Secondly, it's perfectly legal. Third, most Americans could use the exercise anyway. And finally, I'm not the one who got you pregnant. It just isn't my problem.

4) I scoff at flags and all forms of nationalism.

Look people, flags aren't magic. They're merely cloth rectangles with random patterns on them. They symbolically represent the concept of a nation, which is also idiotic. What is a border exactly? Isn't it just an imaginary line? The entire idea of a country is nothing more than a man-made device used to keep more resources for one group while depriving another.

And why would anyone be proud of their national origin? It's the equivalent of being proud of your hair color, race, or shoe size. If you did absolutely nothing to earn your status, why would you be so filled with pride? It's sheer nonsense.

Accordingly, I also refuse to engage in the mindless worship of the military that everyone else seems so fond of. This always seems to touch a real sore spot with the flag-loving dolts that surround me. People loose their minds if I even mention the topic.

The truth is this though. The military is composed of volunteers who are financially compensated for what they do. Don't try to convince me that I need to pay homage to a group of employees who do the bidding of plutocrats who in no way represent me. If you want to believe in the bullshit your fed, that's fine. But I'm not buying it. It should be mentioned however, that the level of worship the public heaps on soldiers is dangerously out of control. A public that doesn't question the motives and behavior of those who put military force into action is a public that would still throw roses at soldiers returning from duty in a concentration camp. Historically, mindless allegiance most always ends in atrocity, and if you look around, you'll notice an alarming quantity of mindless people.

5) My general lack of social grace.

By no means do I go out of my way to be rude to people. I don't generally bite my tongue though either.

If I think someone is being a dick to the cashier at the pharmacy, I call them out. If I find someone to be a bigot or simply a bad person, I have no other choice but to speak. If someone treats me in a manner that I find to be unjustifiably disrespectful, I'm most likely going to attempt to verbally humiliate them.

Sometimes I just don't like people. So I just avoid them entirely. I have family members that I haven't seen in years. There have been co-workers that I don't even acknowledge. I refuse to waist precious time on people who I find to be detestable, and I have no urge to hide my feelings.
I don't feel that any of this makes me a dick, I think it just indicates that I'm honest.
Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I am offensive and rude.
Either way though, I don't foresee any behavioral changes on the horizon. I'm comfortable in my own skin.


  1. You would hate me as a driver. I obey the speed limit and traffic signals. One year I racked up 4 moving violations and was in danger of losing my license just from not paying attention. I started paying attention and now I'm a cautious driver.

    I used to tolerate a lot of crap from people, but once I got into my 30s I became a lot less tolerant of stupidity. Now I wish I could give every stupid person I meet a good jolt of electricity. The people who add nothing but grief to my life don't exist for me.

    My brother's in the military so I have a little soldier worship going on.

  2. I see joining the military as taking a very dangerous job, where your boss can throw you in jail outside of standard American law. And I don't trust the people who call the shots.

    In my opinion, soldiers are no more heroes than are crab fishermen, but fishermen provide me with crabmeat, and I'm not sure exactly what any soldier has done for me since 1945...

    I'm not trying to be offensive, that's just my perception of the world.