The cop, the breakfast burrito lady, and the spiteful She-God...

Today had a rough start for me. God, in all of her infinite wisdom, decided to send a severe thunderstorm my way as soon as I left the house. I'm terrified of lightening, and being as God is aware of this, I assumed it was a personal message from Her telling me to stay at home. Or a direct attempt to smite me. With no way to be sure, I went to work.

The breakfast shift was rough. Corporate horse-shit, customers on cell phones, and orders like "Breakfast burrito, with only egg-whites, three jalapenos (minced), onions (sauteed) and diced tomatoes (but diced smaller than the brunois-cut you already have)" were the norm. "Wait wait! Do you have whole-grain tortillas?"

Seriously lady, go play in traffic.

By 9:30 my spirit was crushed, but in typical style, I rebounded during lunch and was feeling somewhat hopeful about the universe by the time I was headed home.

And then I had a run-in with the police.

Pulled over. The bastard had me! I won't say what I was doing exactly, but suffice it to say I was indeed violating a few municipal and state laws. Nothing serious. Just misdemeanors. But being as I feel I am entitled to have certain rights as a grown adult, I frequently bend minor laws. The risks are merely financial, so I consider it a gamble. But this time I had lost. I knew it.

Official reason for being pulled over? "Following too close" and "improper mounting of front license plate". REAL reason for being pulled over? Driving a $400 car through suburbia while having an unruly beard and screaming friendly (though admittedly sarcastic) greetings at pedestrians. Not exactly probable cause in my book, but I'm not the guy with the badge either.

The good news? After 4 minutes of playing dumb, saying "yes sir" and "no sir", making wild excuses, and doing my best job to act friendly and respectful, I drove away a free man with no citations. It hurt my soul a bit to be so insincere and phony, but it sure didn't hurt my wallet. As I lost sight of him in my rear view mirror, an evil yet somehow joyous laughter rose from my belly. I felt happier than I had been all day.

Score one for the proletariat.

My blog today was supposed to be about food. I was going to share my recipe for a smoked chile-based red sauce that I've perfected over the years. It pairs fantastically with pork (lean or fatty), chicken, and shredded beef. It also makes the world's greatest enchilada sauce. But that will have to wait until tomorrow. The cop, the breakfast burrito lady, and the spiteful She-God just seemed more important to write about.

I'm always happy if I can give people good advice. Some sort of helpful pointer that has worked in my life. Today's lesson is this...

Challenge God early, and lie to authority figures later. Sure it sounds bad, but it's hard to argue with the results, right?

At least until tomorrow that is...